The Parable of the Ten Virgins

Introduction

How are you all this morning? Good. Have you been enjoying our series on the parables? It’s been kind of cool, hasn’t it? When we as a leadership team were talking about speaking on the parables, Alf sent out a list, and it was first come, first served, you got to choose which parable you wanted to speak on. I’ll let you know that none of the guys stepped up to speak on the parable of the ten virgins. So I guess I’m taking one for the team, but if I’m honest with you, I’m actually super excited about this.

The parable of the ten virgins comes from Matthew 25, verses 1 through 13. I love looking at the Bible like searching for treasure, and sometimes when you search for treasure, you have to dig a little. So today, that’s what we’re going to do. Let’s look at Matthew 25:1 from the NIV: “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins.” At that time. Okay, at what time? What time are we talking about?

Setting the scene

In order to figure out what that means, because it is actually part of a larger story, we need to go back a few chapters and look at what was going on. If we go back to chapter 24, chapter 23, chapter 22, we see that this is when Jesus came into Jerusalem on the donkey. They had the big celebration. He came in as the Messiah, the one who was going to set them free. He made it into the temple, he was talking with the people, talking with the Pharisees. And after that, he went up to the Mount of Olives, where he was talking with his disciples. They asked him what it was going to look like when he returned. How would they know? What would it be like at the end, when he came back?

So in Matthew 24, Jesus sets us up. He says, “So you too must keep watch, for you don’t know what day your Lord is coming. Understand this: if a homeowner knew exactly when a burglar was coming, he would keep watch and not permit his house to be broken into. You must also be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected.” We see this again in verse 13 of chapter 25, where it says, “So you too must keep watch, for you do not know the hour or the day of my return.” So this parable of the ten virgins is starting off with a reference to the kingdom of heaven and what it’s going to look like when Jesus returns.

The impression exercise

Before we continue, I want to do something with you all. I’m going to show you a slide, and when it comes up on the screen, I want you to take stock, read it, and notice what feeling, what impression, you get as soon as you read it. Register what happens inside of you when you read this slide. There’s no right or wrong answer, this is morally neutral. Can you put the slide up?

Has everybody seen it? Okay, we can shut it off. If you read the phrase “I will take that away from you” as threatening, as if somebody was going to take something away from you, raise your hands. Okay, a number of you (I know what I’m asking here, but that is how it would hit me too. How many of you read it as protective or comforting) “I will take that away from you”? That is amazing. How many of you read it completely neutral and just wanted more context or information?

There’s a variety of ways we read something we hear. This isn’t a right-or-wrong situation. It just highlights what lens you might instinctively interpret things like authority, correction, uncertainty, or even God through. We heard about the prodigal son last week, and John pointed out that there isn’t actually a good son and a bad son, there were two sons. We don’t usually receive messages as neutral words. Often those words get filtered through our past wounds, through our hurts, through broken or unbroken trust. And so when we hear a story, we often assign a moral code to it. I’m going to ask that when we look at this parable, because it’s the ten virgins and five are wise and five are foolish, we put down the moral code of good or bad and understand this instead: wisdom is living connected to God’s reality, and foolishness is living disconnected from him. It’s not good or bad, right or wrong, it’s a position you’re in.

Reading the parable

Let’s take a look at Matthew 25 and read through the passage.

“Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten bridesmaids” (some versions say virgins) “who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The five who were foolish didn’t take enough olive oil for their lamps, but the other five were wise enough to take along extra oil. When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight they were roused by the shouts, ‘Look, the bridegroom is coming. Come out and meet him.’ All the bridesmaids got up and prepared their lamps. Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’ And the others replied, ‘We don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’ But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked. Later, when the other five bridesmaids returned, they stood outside calling, ‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us.’ And he called back, ‘Believe me, I don’t know you.’ So you too must keep watch, for you do not know the day or the hour of my return.”

Like I said earlier, the disciples on the Mount of Olives had asked Jesus what it would look like when he returned, and this is the story he told. Some will be ready for his return, and some won’t.

Virgins, lamps, and oil

We have ten virgins, that’s what some translations say, and others, like the NLT, say bridesmaids. These are the ones who would have been assisting the bride as she got ready for her bridegroom. If we’re looking at the characters of this story and how we relate to them, Jesus would be the bridegroom. The bride isn’t specifically named, but the church as a whole is often referred to as his bride. And we, as individuals, would be the bridesmaids, supporting, loving, celebrating, serving the bride as she gets ready for her groom.

Now, looking at the symbolism: when we believe in Jesus, when we are covered by the blood he sacrificed for us, he sees us as pure. He sees us as clean. He sees us as untouched. We are the virgins. So we have ten virgins, and they all have their lamps. Often, wedding celebrations would be a day’s-long event, and at this point in the celebration, the groom and his friends would be celebrating at his house somewhere, and they would come to the bride’s house to collect her, and the whole party would make a processional back to the groom’s house to celebrate the feast. This often happened at night, hence the lamps. You could tell who was part of the wedding party, who had been invited, by who had a lamp. If you didn’t have one, you were more likely a wedding crasher, someone who didn’t belong.

So we have ten virgins with lamps, and they’ve gone out to watch for the bridegroom. Maybe they were at the home, maybe they’d walked down the road (we don’t know) but these ten bridesmaids are watching for the bridegroom, and he took a lot longer than expected. There was a delay. We don’t know why, but delays happen. They’re not fun. How many of you have ever been waiting expectantly for something and it took so much longer than you wanted it to? Absolutely me. I’ve been there too.

Here’s the deal: all ten had lamps. From the outside, all ten looked prepared. They had all been invited. They were all waiting. They were all carrying their lamps. In the kingdom of heaven, the Father looks beyond appearances, beyond things like our religious activity, our church attendance, our ministry involvement, our public spirituality. The lamps can represent those outward things that identify us as part of something. But only five had extra oil. And often in the Bible, oil represents the Holy Spirit. It represents the anointing that comes from intimacy with the Father. It represents abiding in his presence and being continually in connection, in relationship, and in dependence on him. The kingdom of God isn’t just about looking prepared. It’s about relationship. It’s about intimacy. It’s about being filled with him, his life, and his power. God’s not looking for us to be impressive performers. He wants intimacy with you. He wants to know you as a son or daughter. He wants intimacy.

What the delay exposes

When we go down to verse five, it says, “When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.” All of them slept. All ten of them slept. There’s no shame in rest. There’s no shame in human weakness or exhaustion or limitation. The issue isn’t rest or sleep. The issue is supply. Delays often expose what is sustaining you.

There was a time when John and I wanted to have a baby. We already had three kids. We knew what we wanted, what we were longing for, what we were hoping for. And we had a loss. And we had another loss. And we had another loss. And we had another loss. There were seven years between our third kid and our fourth kid. That’s a long time. I have other friends who were going through similar circumstances, we met because our circumstances were similar, and they were in a spiral. I remember at that time thinking to myself, “The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that God is with me.” Knowing that no matter what happens in life, he has plans for good, whether I get what I want or not.

The delay often exposes what is sustaining you. It’s easy in any given moment to perform, to hype yourself up, to look good, but it’s when life becomes difficult or mundane that the performance runs out. Your emotions fluctuate and the hype fades. But I promise you, intimacy with the Father will sustain you through the highs, through the lows, through the good times, through the bad times, through those long, dark seasons. Intimacy with the Father is what will sustain you. He’s not angry or disappointed at our humanity, he created us like this for a reason. But he does want us to stay connected to him so we can endure. Those long, difficult seasons reveal whether we are striving or abiding. They reveal whether we’re living a performance-based life or a relationship-based life. They reveal whether we’re living based on appearances or whether we actually have an inward supply that fuels us and keeps us going.

Intimacy cannot be transferred

In verse 8, the five foolish bridesmaids asked the others, “Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.” The foolish virgins wanted someone else’s oil, but intimacy cannot be transferred. You cannot survive spiritually on your pastor’s relationship with God. You cannot survive spiritually on your spouse’s faith. You cannot survive spiritually on your parents’ prayers, or even on yesterday’s encounter with God. Every single one of us is personally invited into relationship with the Father, and he is not looking for servants living off of secondhand revelation. He wants sons and daughters who know his voice for themselves.

The wise virgins said, “If we give you our oil, there won’t be enough for us. So you go and buy some.” And while the foolish ones went out to buy oil, the bridegroom came, and the ones who were ready went in, and the door was closed. Later, the five foolish ones came back. They knocked to be let in, “Lord, Lord, open the door for us.” And he called back, “Believe me, I don’t know you.”

What “I don’t know you” means

There’s another version that says, “Truly, I don’t know you.” And I think a lot of times, if we’re looking at this story with a moralistic point of view, it reads like, “You weren’t prepared, so I’m rejecting you.” But that word (“know”) actually means to be connected, to have relationship with. So the bridegroom, the Lord in this story, isn’t saying “you failed, you didn’t prepare well enough, and so I’m rejecting you.” He’s saying, “I just don’t know who you are, so I’m not letting you come in.” It’s not about failing a test. It’s not about performing badly. It’s about intimacy.

Verse 13 says, “Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.” This echoes what he said in Matthew 24: if we knew something was happening, we’d be ready for it. But we don’t know. This is an invitation, an invitation to be prepared. When we’re living as sons and daughters, and not as orphans, we see this as an invitation, not a condemnation. Our lens gives us a different perspective when we’re living from the heart of a son or a daughter. The Father wants intimacy with you. He wants to be connected with you. He wants us to be ready and watching for the bridegroom, with a steady supply of oil coming from him.

A challenge to pursue intimacy

I’ve got to be honest with you, we’ve had my daughter and son-in-law with us, and it’s been a challenge to stick to my normal routine of getting up in the morning, grabbing my coffee, grabbing my Bible, reading, soaking, spending time with the Father. I haven’t done that every day they’ve been here. And do you know what? I miss it. I was so aware of that this week going through this. I don’t believe the Father is looking at me during this time and saying, “Ah, Patti, you missed it, it’s been so many weeks and you haven’t regularly spent time with me.” I’m still talking to him, but I don’t feel condemnation. What I feel is longing for it.

If you’re in a place where regular connection with the Father isn’t part of your day, and you try to do it and it’s hard, can I challenge you to purpose in yourself to do it? They say it takes 21 days to make a habit. I challenge you: pick a Proverb, read one every single day, go for a month, and just ask the Father what he wants to say to you. It doesn’t have to be Proverbs, it can be anything. But determine within yourself that you’re going to pursue intimacy with the Father, and see what happens over time.

It’s like water. How many of you drink a lot of water in a day? There’s a couple of you, I’m on that one too. How many of you don’t drink enough? There’s a number of you too. Do any of you find that when you start drinking water, you actually end up feeling more thirsty, more aware of it, like, “I need to drink more, I want to drink more”? I’ve found it’s the same with spending time in the presence of God. The more often I do it, the more I purpose within myself to pursue intimacy, the more I hunger for it. I’d encourage every single one of you: if you’re struggling, if this is hard, purpose to do it and see what happens in your life. Because the Father wants you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you. He wants all of you to have a steady supply of his oil, of his fresh intimacy, of fresh connection, a fresh dependence on the Holy Spirit, a fresh word from him for today.

Closing invitation and prayer

The message of this parable is not: be scared, be fearful that you’re going to miss out, try harder, don’t rest, look perfect, or perform religion. That is not the purpose of this parable. The message here is come closer. Be intimate with me. Be continually filled with my presence so you are ready all the time, ready for my return, ready to pour out my love, ready to speak what I want you to speak. The bridegroom is looking for ones who are ready. He’s looking for hearts that are filled with oil.

Can I get you all to stand? Could we have the prayer team come up? Maybe today you realize that you have a lamp, and it looks bright outwardly, but inwardly you’re running low. The good news is the Father is not inviting you into fear or striving. He’s inviting you closer. Fresh oil is available for you. Intimacy is available for you. The invitation has always been relationship. Let’s be ones who know him, who are filled with his oil, and who are ready for his return.

I’m going to pray, and if that’s you, if you want one of our team to agree with you, that you recognize you want a fresh touch of his oil, that you want that supply, let our team agree with you. Let them pray for you.

Let’s pray. Father, thank you. Thank you for the stories you’ve shared with us about your kingdom and your love, and the invitations you’re always offering for us to come closer and know you more, so we can live from the fullness of who you are. Father, if there are areas in our lives where we need a greater revelation of you as a father, of your oil, of your intimacy, of the relationship you have for us, Father, we’re going to come. We’re going to say, we need you, we want you, we want to know, we want to understand, we want more. Thank you, Father. If that’s you, come. Come and get prayer. This is not a moralistic situation, not a right-and-wrong situation. You can have some and still want more. So if that’s you, come.